It’s not “nice” to give in to things or “mean” to hold your boundaries (despite what your toxic ex says). The more you can skillfully manage your reactions, the better able you’ll be to detach from the crazy. Keeping your children’s best interests in mind can also help allow you to maintain focus rather than getting lost in the emotions associated with your ex.

Anger and depression are natural byproducts of divorce,” says Nancy Cramer, founder of Correct Course Consulting. The ones who are closest to you can also provide feedback which contributes to gaining a new outlook. This is crucial to avoid misunderstandings, from the simplest things like double-booking the child, to the more serious issues like double-immunization. For now, I’ll trust that you know your ex is toxic because you’ve been struggling with their behavior and co-parenting.If one parent clearly sees their own human flaws and vulnerabilities, they are more likely to be able to put their kids’ needs before their own.

While parenting with your ex can be difficult, it can be even more difficult when you believe they are trying to manipulate your children into feeling a specific way about you. Your ex may be genuinely infuriating to speak to, but at the end of the day, they are still your children’s other parent. Remember focusing on your toxic co-parent’s evil ways is not only a waste of time, but will also make you depressed and anxious. Additionally, focusing on fulfilling your emotional and mental needs can help prevent parental burnout or toxic stress. A toxic ex can be a lot of things: narcissistic, controlling, abusive, passive-aggressive, jealous, possessive, or just plain mean.If you feel like this is what’s happening, it’s okay to say no or try to cut down on the communication. This is you creating boundaries for you – not creating more ways for him/her to permeate your psyche. We have shared custody and on a particular visit I was not able to pick her up at the time we agreed. Fine, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist in practice at a community mental health center in northern New Jersey. Additionally, a Guardian ad Litem may be assigned to represent the children’s legal rights and protect their best interests.